Blogging 101: Write a Letter to Your Dream Reader

I am new at writing, at blogging.  I started to follow Blogging 101 to lead me into writings, to help find my blogging self.  Today’s assignment; Writing a Letter to My Dream Reader – isn’t something I think I am ready to do.  I don’t think I am ready for a Dream Reader ~ Maybe I would want my blogging audience to be someone that stops in to see what’s going on in my world; stick around if they want to see more or leave if they have no interest.  I don’t want to be judged, examined, have expectations surrounding what I write.  I wanted to start blogging to get those things off my mind that I have no one to share with, to clear my soul of those things that are holding me back, to OPEN my heart!

I am who I am – I’m searching for a relationship with God, I want to be positive and find a way to be positive about anything that is going on around me, to find a way to be healthy, fit and happy.  I have Fibromyalgia, I struggle with my children growing up (I’m just not ready to let them go), I struggle being in an “old” marriage – dreaming for it to be re-newed, I struggle with relationships  and expectations of friends and family; of myself … I want to have a place to express myself without a watchful eye glassing over with boredom, frustration, irritation – I don’t want to feel like I’m whining, but have it understood that I’m desperate to be heard, held, loved.

I welcome all readers, I hope that something I write will be encouraging to some, interesting to others or touching to anyone – but I’m writing for ME.  I don’t want to write to any one person, one audience.  This blog is all for ME.  I welcome you, I will share with you – but I’m not writing to you….

❤ Just A Mom I Am

I Am What I Am….

I love this saying.

I have spent much of my life doing for others…happily, truly, completely, unconditionally.  I love unconditionally ~ When I know someone is in need, I step up.  When it needs to be done, I step in.  When sadness has happened, sickness is looming, trouble is brewing – I want to be there to ease the pain, the difficulty of the moment.  I try to be a positive support system, the Momma hen that gets things done ~ I give myself unconditionally.

I give unconditionally and it is taken! 

Lately though my soul feels sadden, my heart broken.  As I struggle through even the simple things in my days, it’s hard that I have no support system. To be given time, love, companionship, help — it feels no one can find even moments to spare for me at time.  I feel lonely, I am lonely!

It has left me feeling for 2015 to only give unconditionally with conditions!  

2015 conditions for my unconditional love are as follows:  when I love with all my heart ~ I will be loved back – when I see your struggles and hold your hand ~ see my struggles and hold my hand — there are times I need looked in on, checked on, listened to or just LOVED, notice when I am struggling as I have always done for you — when I worry for you, when I pray for you, when I love you ~ please do the same for me.

Then I came across this saying –

“I Am What I Am, And That’s All That I Am”

I can not place conditions on my love,

on my time,

on myself

as simply as I can’t put conditions on others.

I hope that when I am there for others that it goes unnoticed in the moment, that when I step in and help it is understood that it is with out conditions.  My time, my love is received with out expectations.

I won’t change who I am, I won’t change what I do…I can’t – but I continue to struggle feeling lonely and an ache in my heart when I am in need and no one is there for me.

“When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with Him” Proverbs 16:7

❤ Just A Mom I Am

Blogging 101: Introduce Yourself

Being new to blogging – I am excited to blog about my life, my kids, my relationships, to vent, to share – the good, bad, ugly, happy and sad…to blog about the craziness that is me, that is my famly… So Blogging 101: Introduce Yourself; here goes.

For years I’ve wanted a blog. I’m horrible to sit and write my thoughts and expressed my feelings in a journal; so it is my hope that the forum of a blog will help me layout those things I’ve always wanted to express.  Laying it all out there is a bit scary, while I have not shared with family or friends that I am doing this – I hope to connect with some that share my challenges, a group that has no expectations from me but to celebrate my victories – cheer me through my challenges and let me do the same for them.

So – who I am you ask?  I am a mom – ❤ Just a Mom I Am – I have been married for over 22 years to my high school sweetheart of 26 years.  I have 3 amazing children, a brave daughter-in-law and soon (very very soon) a grandaughter.  I am blessed!  My husband is a hard working selfless man, always putting “us” first. He travels for work, putting challenges into our marriage.  My kids – are my entire world!  My oldest son is 20 and soon to be a “daddy”…he is a funny, loving kid that makes my heart happy!  He’s struggled through so many things – school, sports – but never does he give up.  He is going to make an amazing Daddy!  My daughter is 18 and graduating this year…she is beautiful – inside and out – amazingly kind, big hearted with a strange, upbeat, warped sense of humor that few share.  She is a daddy’s girl, but my best friend – boy will I miss that girl when she moves on to the next chapter in life.  She is going to be amazing at whatever she does.  My baby boy is 14.  How did that happen, he promised to be little forever.  He is my go getter! Football – yeap! Wrestling – of course! Baseball – ABSOULTELY!!  Following him around, watching him wrestle and play ball are some of my favorite things.  I swell with pride as I watch him.  He is a leader with a personality bigger than life.  He is a happy kid, that makes us laugh all the time and works hard to be the man of the house when Dad is gone.  My daughter-in-law is 19.  She has been in our family for a year and half and boy what a blessing she is.  She puts up with my son and fits right in with our family.  She is as cute as can be and funny – I can’t imagine life without her.  She will be an incredible Mommy.  She is one of my own!  AND Sometime this month (due on the 30th) my first granddaughter will be here.  Words can not express my excitement.  Never did I think I could have as much love for another little person like I did for my own children – but boy do I!  She is already so loved!  I am blessed that I will be home with her during the day…to love on her and do my own spoiling!  My heart overflows with each thought of these 5 souls!

ME…a little about ME – I will be 41 in a few weeks.  I told myself that my 40th year was going to be transforming, life changing….I struggled, I failed!  I have Fibromyalgia – it’s a struggle everyday.  In the last few months I have made the decision to go off all but one of my medications and have chose to go the natural path.  It’s been difficult, but has had it upside.  I have energy and my emotions are back along with my sex drive – I’m more active, keeping up with things that need to be done, but I hurt.  My goal is to get moving, find solutions for the pain, find my way to be happy for ME within whatever situation is around me. — This last few years, I have put myself out there to help, to love and be the first to step up anytime needed…I have a huge heart…I put myself out there and sadly don’t feel that I get it in return – I give unconditional love…and it is taken.  I started to think that it was time to put conditions on the unconditional love I give, but I can’t do that…that is not who I am or who I strive to be, it’s not what God would want of me.  My plan to a better ME, is to finally after 40 years to Love Me!  I plan, I organize, I think, dream, figure out….but I don’t accomplish anything – 2015 is going to be a year of DOING!  I will now plan ONCE and spend the rest of the month DOING!  The plan includes projects, things for me, special time with my husband – goals.  I’m 41 and after reading this, I don’t know who I am…well I am ❤ Just a Mom I Am, and if that is all I ever am – that’s ok, but who else am I – should I be more?

❤ Just a Mom I Am